Dissolving magazines

A few years ago, my favourite author, Jonathan Carroll, was in Birmingham, doing his only UK book signing in the then wonderful Andromeda book shop. At the time, an issue of Playboy had just come out that contained one of his stories. I’d actually bought it, and had sat in the garden reading the story. Unfortunately, I hadn’t moved quickly enough with a sudden storm, and it got soaked. Because of which, it had fallen to bits.

Anyway, having requested that he signed the large pile of books that I’d brought up to the table – he asked if I had the Playboy edition.

“Yes,” I replied, “but I’d better get another copy because mine’s already fallen apart.”

Sometimes its true that you shouldn’t meet your heros, because you can end up saying something to them that makes you look like a wanker.

Curious writing

Naughty, bad, evil writing

Don’t touch that.



The Newspaper?

Its disgusting

Well I wouldn’t buy it.

But its only the Sun.

Picking it up. An old newspaper.

Its not old.

Its just been left on the seat.

On the bus. Horrible.

But we’re sat here. That’s okay.

No. It makes me feel dirty.

But why is it bad to read the paper?

Filthy. Look at it.

It looks okay to me.

Pages are turned.

Well, I suppose just here its

slightly marked. Perhaps it

was being read by someone with

particularly dirty eyes.

Now you’re just taking the piss.

No, seriously. I can just imagine them,

sat here, dust falling from their

retinas. I bet the bus was spotless

before they started to look at it.


I’m not.

Yes you are. You’ve turned me into a story.

That’s not mocking. That’s adoration.

It looks like mocking to me.

Maybe just a bit of mocking.

‘ocking, perhaps.

Or just m’ing


A bit of mocking

Don’t be silly. And get it away from me

You want me to m at you from across the bus?

I want you to move the newspaper.

Does it ming?

Its touching my legs.

Oh dear. Perhaps I’d better cut them off

when we get back.

If you’re not careful you won’t be coming back.

Not even if I wrap myself in newspapers

first? Look, there’s one here. It should

help to catch any dust from my eyes.


The bus carries on for a bit.