My old car is for sale. Its a Saab 900, with one month tax and 10 months MOT. £100 ono. Actually, I’ll take £50 and a pack of tofu. Or swap it for a fridge freezer. Email me.
Category Archives: 2004
I received a rather splendid, and quite helpful, response to my concerns over both Bose and Waitrose. Of course, this was not from either company, but from a shady figure using the descriptor of the mystery shopper….
Its nice to see that when testing the Bose, the amp was even better than the one used by Spinal Tap.
Subject: Bose + Waitrose Info
Dear Sir,
It has been brought to my attention that you doubt that Bose speakers actually make any noise. As you can see from pic below, this is patently untrue.
The person featured is not an actor/model and did not receive any remuneration for experiencing the extreme noise terror induced by turning amp up to 12, not 11, but 12. That is how good they are!
I also gather you are curious as to the appearance of the new Sheffield Waitrose interior, as their archaic opening times combined with your more modern work patterns, mean you have been unable to visit said store.
At great personal risk I was able to capture images of the store [Last time I attempted in store photography – of a clown shopping in Huddersfield, Tescos – I was ejected by pompous, jobsworthy, security guard who was desperate to provoke a fight].
The entrance and fresh produce. This is where you can gaze at lots of funny looking fruit you’ve never seen oop north before.
Their disabled policy is rather suspect, due to the architect putting ramps inside store rather that at points of access. Crutches and trolleys are useful aids for staying upright.
The new reading area is near the soft furnishing accessories [never guess it was a poncey southern store!].
Swish new intoxication zone. Note the upmarket flooring to help you buy even more expensive wines.
I hope this will go someway to appeasing the frustration of actually being able to visit the store. If need be a live virtual shopping experience could be arranged with the aid of a webcam, laptop and 3G phone.
Regards
The Mystery Shopper
The most beautiful girl in Fernhill Heath
Again
like yesterday
you pass the seat
sit behind
three rows back
and
the bus moves on
I try
fail
to catch your eye
smile
the old lady thinks it to her
smiles back
and gives me a sweet
every day
same commute
an hour each way kept sane
by
the last twenty minutes
with your presence
and the hope
Worrying: People tell me they read this blog.
They say that history repeats itself. Who am I to argue. But I didn’t know it would be the case.
untitled
He walked around, ego protected by a false
air of confidence
surrounding his step and the bulk of his stomach
“I’d fuck the one on the left”
Laughing, from the window, at the exchange kids
standing at the counter
Wasn’t often out with us
said it didn’t matter
even so
aleways had to be
centre
of everyone’s attention
the confident air a cloud, to
those around
Amended 15 May 2005
Its always amusing to look through friendsreunited and the like, to see the ways that people sell themselves.
I particularly liked that way that someonesaid “I have good moral values, I don’t like fowl language”. What a chicken.
Film Review: The Grudge (2004)
Absolute bollocks.
Shake with terror…
…Saturday night television is a disease.