Springtime brings new hope and a new need to fuck. This, I think, is the only explanation to what is happening. Early spring, and meeting someone new so that, far from completing three years alone, I find myself emailed to meet Nic again, this time at her Department. Prior emotional entanglement had once made this seem impossible. Its rare for me to be around so early, as I’ve normally been working late. This makes me glad to have made the effort. If I ignore the lecture then I can just get there in time.

As with virtually everything in this city, I end up walking up hill. When I first moved here, the slopes came as something of a surprise. But its the hills that sculpt the place, giving it an interest that is so often missing. Not only that, but if you cycle anywhere, as I often do, half of the journeys are devoid of effort as you can freewheel to the destination.

I’ve not been in this Department before, and have to ask a scarily efficient secretary for directions, who points at a sign behind my head. Up the stairs to the library, and look in. She’s not th…(previously posted from here)

An eventual reunion.

“Did you see the words”

“No.”

“The link. I sent you a link.”

“I’ve not seen anything.”

He moved back to the door.

“What link?”

Having decided not to compete again, we sat ourselves next to the pool table, together on a bench seat that merged with the chocolate wood panelling. I put my arm around her.

“Don’t!”

“Sorry.” I removed my arm. Stared at the table.

“Someone might see us.”

“The pubs empty.” Looking up.

“And the door is just there. Someone might come in.”

Back to the table again.

“I’m sorry, I know its hard. But you’ve got to trust me. I’m going to sort things out between me and Mark. You’ve got to be patient. At the moment you can’t be seen with me. You know that.”

It didn’t help.

I drained my pint, and went to the bar for another. Sofia was there, a girl from my first year class who I had asked out, drunkenly as that was the only way I ever had the confidence, and who had at least now switched to laughing with me after the two years had past.

“Two pints of Magnet please.”

“You okay Andy?”

“Just great. Just got essays, you know what its like.”

“Sure. I’ve got a couple due in next week.”

“I might get started on them soon. Or it will be another all-nighter.”

I paid for the drinks with more of the graduate debt, and went back to the table.

“Happy Thursday.”

Up the stairs to the library, and look in. She’s not there. Not that I can see. I’m meant to be meeting her. Secret, like, no-one should know. None of her friends. Or her boyfriend. I don’t know why she asked me here. I have to pretend – what – I guess that we’re just off to lunch or something.

Carry on looking round. By the window, far left. Yes. She sees me, packs her books into her bag, grabs a bunch of pencils and her keys, and walks over.

“Hi Andy.” She stepped towards me. “Oh, have you met,” turning her head to the girl sat at the table. I shook my head. “Helen, this is, er, Andy. Andy, Helen.” I said hello. “Lets go.”

The department was equidistant from the main campus, my house, and her own. We headed away from hers, to the relative safety of where I lived, and the pub opposite. Less chance of seeing anyone she knew. Not that I’d be able to show any affection in public. That was strictly off charter, until she’s sorted out things at home. Always in hand.

Before I’d arrived at the city, I’d been told, the pub had been a place for bikers, and had a reputation as being unfriendly towards the tidal influx of new residents. Although it retained a general gloom, I found the cheap beer, pool table, and generally a few faces that I knew to be quite welcoming.

We hit the pool table.

I was never a great player, although I had occasional beer-induced boughts of inspiration. Nic was about the same. we had a couple of games, winning one each, and laughing all the way.

High five was the name we called ourselves that summer.

His head was full of the girl that he’d met near the causeway.

“He’ll have to drive faster than that if he’s hoping she’ll fall out.”

The white Rover 800 ahead of them, which they’d been stuck behind for the last 20 minutes on the final approach to the town, continued at its painfully slow speed as the driver negotiated the roundabout. They caught a glimpse of the face of his passenger, a woman whose face had turned putrid green. An old man wearing a cloth cap was driving.

“Come on mate, its the pedal on the right.”

The occupants of the black Golf laughed.

“Do you think he’s off to sell her to a halloween mask factory?”

“Nice one Mike.”

He shrugged, reverting back to his normal, quieter self. The Golf followed on across the roundabout, in time to see the Rover speed up as it headed towards a pedestrian crossing.

She opened the door to the lounge, and stepped into his life.

He had never written the words.

Written in the style of a spider dying slowly across the page, nonetheless he knew that he’s never written the words. The words that she had shown him when they went back to the hotel room. The words in a ten year old diary, a book that he’d forgotten about, and that he’d thought lost or thrown years ago.

It didn’t make sense. Sure, all of the names were true but there was something that he couldn’t place that just didn’t seem right.

Em turned and mouthed something at him. No reply would be right. If he asked the matter it would be another tirade. If he didn’t – well, he’d get one anyway.

“Sorry?”

She put the tin of sweets on the dashboard of the hire car, from where it promptly slipped, spilling the sticky tablets and icing sugar across the floor of the passenger well.

“Slow down!” She reached for the hand brake.

“I wasn’t going…”

“You were! Stop driving like an idiot. Just because you..”

She stopped as the car went into a skid.

The side of a truck.

Silence.