“…’She wouldn’t get us, would she?’

‘Of course not.’ A different voice. A girl. Neither of them had seen her arrive.”



“Who are you?”

The girl looked at them, but was mute. She smiled.

“I said who are you?”

“Nigel!”

The girl mouthed something.

“What?”

“Its all pretend. The story. Ignore him.”

She looked at Nigel, whilst Keith stared at the ground between his brother and the girl.

“Well I don’t like you.” Nigel was determined to save face.

The airbag seemed to have exploded almost as soon as he saw the car coming towards him, it having spun out of control across the road. The impact was the sound of a metal balloon bursting. Smoke from the airbag filled the cabin. As he looked up, the first thought that went through his mind was “am I dead?”

Ramble.

Who are you. Really?

Standing, looking at the unblinking refelction in the mirror.

Its a difficult question.

What do you see when you wipe the glass clear. A face. Recognisable in appearance. But inside? Who is really there? What thoughts, what hopes, dreams, belief? The eyes are dulled in the reflection, devoid of the spark that should make them engage.

Finding a place is so often done without thought; people are doing things not because it may be right, but because it fits into convention and expectation. Perhaps they don’t want to think about it? Maybe drifting from place to place, job to job, is the ideal?

But perhaps people have low expectations. Or no expectations. Achievement is a reduced scale; the abililty to save enough for a new car, or holiday, or a promotion above the head of a colleague. All minor self obsessions, a little people following Narcissus with blinkered lack of wonder.

Are my hopes any different? My dreams? Who can say. I don’t have the acope to read your mind. I can’t scan your brainwaves for thoughts – I’ve tried, of course, but the TV needs a new aerial. For now its just observation. And TV.

TV’s shared consciousness is a comfort. I know how to fit in here; so do you. Passive participation. You can even drink tea at the same time. And then, tomorrow, around the water cooler – a conversation with those with whom you might otherwise refuse to speak.

Of course this ignores the elite. And the technicians. They’re not the elite – the backroom boys and girls – although they are privilaged. They get to breathe the same air as the stars.

The elite are those on screen. The stars. People for whom personal identity is fame – at least to their fans – whose adoration and following supplies the place in the world, without concern for individuality.

In the mirror. Beneath the surface. Inside. What is the identity. What place in the world. What value the person?

What person?

I know that number.

The wonders of science. Or technology. Or BT.

I know that number. It’s your number. Someone – perhaps even you – is trying to ring me. From you flat. Your flat where I am no longer welcome. You flat where we used to meet. To talk. To eat. To laugh. To love. To fuck.

The ringing stops. The LCD on the phone goes dead. Lifeless. Empty.

Why have you left me? Have you given up?

Yet I didn’t try to answer.