Invariably, Jimmy Saville’s Play it Safe would feature a child who had accidentally drunk a bottle of bleach.

“Don’t drink the bleach, kids!” Sir Jim’ll would say, before wheeling on a child that contained no known germs.

“I put it in the lemonade bottle,” the hapless mother would say. “It seemed the perfect place for bleach – it was so handy, in the pantry.”

But this doesn’t really explain why it might seem necessary to decant bleach, especially into a lemonade bottle. Its not like bleach is terribly expensive. Value bleach is really cheap. Admittedly it probably only maims the germs for a bit, or makes them feel a bit poorly, but even so. Whatever you buy, its not expensive.

Perhaps they were ashamed by their bleach. “Oh, Colin”, the wifelet would say to her trophy husband as he leant on the mantlepiece and looked into the middle distance. “Colin, I’ve noticed that our bleach looks so last season compared to the chemicals that they have next door at the Farquarsons.

“Decant it, my lovely”, Colin would decry, aware from his days posing for the Freeman’s catalogue – albeit only in his imagination – that a decanted liquid was a smart liquid. But, tragically, the only empty bottle was from the Panda lemonade, and even though it didn’t have that much class it would be brought into service.

Perhaps that was what happened.

It could also have been that all of the events took place in the houses of cleaning persons, who were syphoning the bleach to take home, either to pour over their own ironically germ encrusted homes in a last ditch effort to save themselves from botchelism, or perhaps to sell down the market or the car boot sale. I really can’t recall.

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