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"She's looking
at me again".
"Shoosh, Jack.
I'm here."
"She's looking
at me. Make her stop."
"Baby there..."
"Make her
go away."
Moroe caught the
clock with her elbow and snatched a glance at the hands trapped
in the dead zone as she moved across the bedroom. The eternity
of 3 am, confirmed by the clock on the chest.
"Baby please.
You'll wake the neighbours." She dragged the dressing
table stool to the side of the bed, and sat gazing at Jack.
She hated this. He was hardly sleeping at all now and the
last week seemed to have been hell. A deep breath. There was
a long wait for sunrise.
"It's too
late." Jack looked up, his eyes glazed with terror. "Make
her go."
"You're drenched.
Here." She wanted to wipe his brow with the cloth by
the bed, but he wouldn't let her touch him. Moroe lent forward
anyway, as though to stroke his hair. The terror was still
in his eyes, but Jack's breathing had at least begun to relax.
His beautiful long, dark hair. The hair she loved. "That
should feel better." She'd put her hand over his, holding
his pale skin as she had every night when Jack had his nightmares.
"Don't do
that. Don't touch me. Can't feel it, can't be it. I don't
want you, I don't need you, I don't want...
"I told you
to get your hands off me, what's the matter with you?"
She sighed, and
counted to ten. Again, up to twenty. Ten was never enough
these days. Never enough, not even for five minutes. Jack
the lover, Jack the heartbreaker. He didn't mean it. Couldn't.
Wouldn't. She just needed to get him through, then everything
would be alright. Count again. She could count all night and
it wouldn't help. One, two, three, four. All under her breath.
"I heard you.
Don't say the word. Don't say anything. Don't breath. She
drains your breath anyway. I know her. She'll be here, just
wait and see. I know her. I can see her. Coming for me. I
know you. I can see you're here."
Five.
"I know what
you're thinking. I see you. Watching me." His voice was
husky. He'd been crying earlier. He didn't know that Moroe
had seen him. He'd been curled into a ball under the threadbare
blankets trying to fight it. But she had been there, as always
and ever, looking out for him.
"Jack, honey,
I think you should sleep. That's all. Where's all this coming
from? There's nothing to be scared of."
"Scared. I'm
scared. Scaredy-cat. Scared of me, scared of her. Scared of
what she wants, scared why she hasn't done anything yet. God,
why is this happening? Get her away from me. I see her. Get
her away."
It seemed, for
a moment, that she turned. Only slightly, as she moved towards
him. The hair stood up on the back of his neck. He shivered.
He could see her there clear as the far off day, and he understood
her like no-one else. Jack tried to speak but his throat had
frozen. But she knew it all. What he thought. What he would
say. It was in his eyes. This wasn't Jack the winner, not
Jack who had the control. This was different.
"Sleep, please
Jack. You need to sleep. You must sleep.
"There's nothing
there. Come on, just close your eyes. For me."
Moroe stared straight
at him. Jack's gaunt face was grey from a week without sleep.
His eyes were wide, dried the colour of burnt earth, bloodshot
and sore. He pulled the blanket tightly around him. Moroe
stood and walked silently to the chest. A water jug and glass
stood next to the photos of Jack and Moroe when they were
young. She picked up the jug and began to pour him a glass.
"She's here.
In the shadow. In the corner, there...
"Oh God."
Moroe turned again.
"Too late.
She sees me. She wants me. I know what she wants. And she'll
have me as well. I can't keep her back any more. "
"Jack, please,
just listen to me. There's nothing to fear. Please. Just sleep."
Day broke late,
as though it hadn't wanted to reach the house at all. The
shutters in the upstairs window remained resolutely closed,
as they had throughout the night. Jack would have bricked
himself into the room had he been given the chance. Anything
to keep her away.
The day's papers,
and the post, were stuck in the letter box. A bottle of milk
was on the step. Already sour.
The curtains were
open downstairs. The room inside was totally still. The light
carried on burning from beneath a bare electric flex.
Jack had once lined
the room with his most holy of possessions, his books. A few
had made it to the shelves that lined the height of the room.
Dust hid their spines. Others were spread about the room,
on the table, in piles next to Jack's chair, and propped upon
the wall by the door.
One book rested
open on its spine in the middle of the floor.
The room was resting.
Calm spread through
the corridors as the light bravely entered the lounge. The
dust was floodlit under the sun's gaze and danced alone about
the room. No-one looked in through the window. The door to
the hall was shut. A shaft of light glimmered on the picture
of Jack and Moroe that was on the mantelpiece. There was no
movement in the house, and no noise. Just the dreadful and
empty silence.
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