Johnny two mouths lived in defiance of the traditional notion of the head. He wore a mouth at front and the back of his head, so, as he said, as to ease his way with eating foods from any direction.

Co-ordination was a problem for the rear mouth. He found it difficult to aim food towards the cavity, and the area on the back of his head was frequently covered with bruises and cuts as he hit himself with his cutlery.

The rear mouth was also hard to control. Although it had never been connected to any vocal chords and so was unable to talk, Johnny often had complaints that his rear mouth would outline obscenities to those behind him, to which he was unaware. This caused problems for Johnny, and he sometimes ended up wearing a woolly balaclava to cover the back of his head, the possibility of being mistaken for a terrorist seeming less problematic than in almost certain arrest for silent breach of the peace.

There were, however, some advantages to his second mouth. On hot days, Johnny would open both front and back as he walked, and allow the cooling breeze to pass through his head. He was also able to whisper to his wife, Marilyn three legs, as he kissed her without looking.

Once, on holiday in Mexico, Johnny had encountered an emigrant doctor from London's East End, who offered to implant further additional bodily parts into the already overcrowded body of Mr Two-Mouths.

"But I was born this way" said Johnny, "and I don't want or need any additional bodily units."

The surgeon was persuasive. He showed Johnny the catalogue. He let him feel the quality of the offered flesh. Johnny was tempted. He found himself wondering whether an additional hand would be useful, and if so, where he would put it? What about an eye on the back of his head - he thought it might be a good idea if he stared to watch what he ate. But in the end, nothing.

Marilyn and Johnny were happy as they were, with no need for any further extensions to Johnny's stature. They loved each other's bodies and decided to keep them in their natural states. Besides, additional appendages would make his clothes buying difficult, and they already had enough trouble in that area for Marilyn.

Love blossomed then, as Johnny and Marilyn lived out their days together, he with his second mouth, which remained as untamed as ever, and Marilyn, who he affectionately dubbed tripod.