Bartenders hated Rob. He knew this to be a fact - despite their always being eager to serve him, whenever he asked for a drink they would always give him a tonic guaranteed to destroy his mind. Sometimes it even made him fall over - although Rob was beginning to come round to the notion that his mind was simply rebelling against him, and possibly this could explain why he would see strange features such as wobbling walls, and trees which leapt out in front of him.

To some, happiness would begin with a capital "H", and would end with a mild cigar. Rob was not of this ilk; as far as he was concerned a hamlet was a surprisingly small group of people who were against him.

Obviously Rob had met people on a regular basis who were apparently happy, but rather than question the view of susceptibility which so many people must have to the illusion, he decided that many of then were merely trying, quite successfully, to make him feel even worse than he did already. Even smiling was construed by Rob to be an indication from one person to another that you have better teeth than they do. Rob's teeth were quite perfect. At least, Rob's false teeth were perfect - his real ones had previously been removed by persons who he could only assume couldn't afford a real baseball.

Amended 13 January 2003, 1 May 2005